WEEK 9
This season has been taking an indefinite period of time to complete. What’s my excuse this time, you might be asking yourself — well, this shoot is shit and I despise the fact I couldn’t find higher quality pictures for it. Moreover, I don’t feel like posting the closeups alongside the full shots because it’s problematic for my OCD. Having said that, this week is shit. Top six photoshoots I conceptually carry a higher standard for when it comes to ANTM, mainly because that’s when overseas begins in most seasons. In addition, I don’t necessarily like or agree with this elimination. Surely, she’s the probably weakest model of the remaining six, but I flove ha’ personality, and her shot this week was pretty solid; much better than the bottom three. Overall, I’m really disappointed.
1) Mikey
I think it goes without saying: the execution for this week’s photoshoot is poor as shit. So poor that it’s almost comedic Mikey snatched FCO with a picture featuring the expression he constantly makes — an expression that I have made apparent I don’t like how often he makes on a continual, weekly (not really, more so yearly considering how sporadic my updates are) basis. Honestly, I’m not that mad at the lack of versatility from Mikey this week, though. Yes, I’d prefer for his face to be angled differently, or simply for his expression to be something new, but with his hair pulled back in the way it is, it sorta almost makes him come off as a completely different person and I kind of dig it. I like how sophisticated he looks — a feat that I would consider especially hard to display and maintain for this shoot given Miss J is in the background dressed as a Furry, Hadassah is whipping and nae-naeing, and Mame’s ashy knees are right in his face. Overall, I’m not completely mad at this.
2) Hadassah (Eliminated)
My baby. Although I have been quite critical on Hadassah throughout this season – she surely started off terrible in terms of accumulative average and placement – I adore this chick and would have loved to see her make it even further than this. There were many times Tyra and the rest of the panel could have clocked Hadassah for a poor picture or performance and subsequently eliminated her, but of course, instead, they opt to cut her loose in a week she actually performed quite great in?? I feel like even someone who didn’t like Hadassah would agree with me in saying this is probably one of her better pictures and, at the very least, three out of the four placed below her in my ranking did worse than her. In saying that, I don’t really have anything bad to say about this. The face is quite gorgeous; not the best thing ever, but gorgeous nonetheless. It’s a different angle for her, and I appreciate the versatility, especially after Mikey’s picture. She also managed to take up a good portion of the frame and lengthen her limbs to make it appear as though she’s four inches taller than she really is. Don’t agree with the elimination.
3) Nyle
First off, MIKEY!! He looks hot as shit here and his face is actually different than it normally is — definitely better than his actual picture this week. I love a pantless Nyle as much as the next person, but the main reason why this is ranked third rather than first or second is because I don’t necessarily think Nyle is the main focus of this picture. He’s in the forefront of the shot, yes, but between Mikey’s stunning ass face and Hadassah’s bomb ass body, I’m left not really paying attention to Nyle. That’s not the say there aren’t positive aspects about this picture with regards to Nyle though! His body is stiff as shit and he looks like a deer caught in headlights facially, but nonetheless, he looks hot, and I really have a thing for thick, muscular, juicy, succulent thighs. *shivers* Aside from my evident thirst for Nyle, I don’t really have much more to say about this picture. It’s just very much middling and isn’t much of a standout image.
4) Mamé
Why don’t you come on up and fuck me in the ass sometime, ayeee? @Nyle Just like Mikey and Hadassah in Nyle’s picture, I can’t not stare at Nyle in Mame’s picture. This time it’s ten times worse. Not for the fact Mame did horrible – which, eh, she didn’t do that awful – but because Nyle’s like legit in the process of dry humping her. He’s getting hella frisky with her feet in his groinal region. I don’t really have a thing for feet, so this is of course just an observation I’m making. “Aside from my evident thirst for Nyle” – yes, I’m repeating this phrase once more – this picture of Mame is not good, and I don’t understand how she got her first first call-out for it on the show. Of all the pictures and performances she has delivered on the show, they decide to give her her first first call-out for this? Awright. I don’t fully object considering the numerous amount of times she was robbed of being called first, but it’s saddening to think that the panel likely considers this picture better than some of her past, far superior performances. It’s not an ugly picture by any means, I just can’t stand how stiff and fake Mame’s body and face, respectively, are here.
5) Lacey
After approximately five bomb ass performances, Lacey finally delivers a bad picture. Considering how much worse I thought Lacey’s body was, I’m really not that bothered by how piss poor of a performance from Lacey this is. The disgusting, disgusting, disgusting wardrobe she provided, combined with her permanent duck lips expression, could not possibly amount for a good picture. BUT! If I do have to compliment something about this picture, I do think her body looks semi-decent. Yes, not the most toned stomach, especially on a model, but I think she angled it accordingly and is still lengthening a fairly decent amount. Having said that, the rest of this picture – just like the photoshoot in general – is tacky as shit and I really can’t stand it. The maroon chaps, black bikini, and white towel on her head — the fuck? Not the mention, the fact they STILL felt the need to showcase Lacey’s gross ass bowl cut makeover even with a towel on top of it irks the living shit out of me. Truly, with such a wardrobe, she was set up for failure, and there’s not much that she could have done to rescue herself.
6) Devin
Who the hell was in charge of the styling this week? I know that Tyra’s nut ass probably wanted everything to look tacky as shit – perhaps her favorite adjective in the English dictionary – but truly, what the fuck? I thought maroon chaps were, conceptually speaking, the worst possible thing one could wear, especially in a “modeling” picture, buttt here we have Devin dressed in a fishnet dress with a gray and black crop top over it? Okay. Interesting, definitely. But I will reiterate – what the fuck? Not to mention, there’s absolutely zero things that save this picture. Horrendous face; why isn’t he looking directly at the camera? Awkward pose; why is Miss J grabbing his leg? Weird ass concept; why is he holding a baby to his face? There’s a lot of unanswered questions I have with regards to this picture of Devin. It’s literally a huge ass question mark. Really disappointing.
AVERAGES
1) Mamé (3.3) 1/6/1/3/3/7/3/2/4
2) Lacey (3.9) 3/11/6/2/2/1/4/1/5
3) Nyle (4.3) 8/9/2/6/4/2/1/4/3
4) Justin (5.0) 2/3/5/5/1/5/14 – (Eliminated Week 7)
5) Mikey (5.1) 7/2/7/7/6/3/8/5/1
6) Ava (5.8) 4/1/11/8/5 – (Eliminated Week 4)
7) Hadassah (5.9) 12/12/9/1/5/4/2/6/2 – (Eliminated Week 9)
8) Devin (5.9) 6/4/3/4/10/6/11/3/6
9) Ashley (7.3) 5/5/4/10/7/13 – (Eliminated Week 5)
10) Courtney (8.1) 9/7/8/9/9/8/7 – (Eliminated Week 6)
11) Delanie (9.5) 10/9 – (Eliminated Week 1)
12) Dustin (9.8) 11/13/12/6/7 – (Eliminated 8)
13) Bello (10.1) 13/8/10/11/8/9/12 – (Eliminated Week 6)
14) Stefano (11.3) 14/10/10 – (Eliminated Week 2)
ELIMINATIONS
Ashley: 0
Ava: 0
Bello: 2
Courtney: 0
Delanie: 0
Devin: 2
Dustin: 3
Hadassah: 0
Justin: 1
Lacey: 0
Mamé: 0
Mikey: 0
Nyle: 0
Stefano: 1
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